Part 2: Dream turned to nightmare

We took our first uncertain steps into the pyramid. A scent of mould mixed with sand penetrated my nostrils and it evoked images of ancient Egyptian myths into my head.

The torches that were hanging on the walls suddenly lit up and I tried to calm Ray down by telling him that the lighting is probably a modern addition to make it more impressive for tourists and that it has to be controlled by a motion sensor.

We were both examining our surroundings in awe (well, for Ray it was mostly fear) admiring the carvings and the wall paintings while moving deeper inside the pyramid.

We reached a chamber with statues representing gods – mainly Anubis I presumed, as the head of most of the statues was like that of a dog. Being a primary school teacher, I couldn’t resist narrating everything I knew about the things we saw to Ray, knowing that although he was definitely amazed by what he saw, he wouldn’t really be interested in the history. Much like most of my students… Just as I expected, he started to yawn as loudly as he could, which left me no choice but to mock him about how similar his mental age was to the age of my students.

Some kind of a wall switch caught my attention. It looked like a carving on the wall but I was convinced it was hiding something, since there was a square area right next to it that looked strange and was the size of what could be a door. I went closer to examine it.

“Hey Ray, come take a look at this. I think it must be a hidden door.”

No answer.

I turned around to see what he was doing, but he was nowhere near. “Ray? … Ray??”

Several moments went by in total silence.

“Oh poo… this is not the time for a joke! Come out. We should stick together. Ray!!”

No reply.

“That stupid bastard always picks the wrong time to pull his stupid pranks”, I thought. What if he steps on a trap? What if he gets lost in there? …

I didn’t know how long it had been since I had lost him, but it looked like eternity and I was getting agitated. “RAY!!!” I shouted. Damn. I hit the wall with my hands. He will pay for this.

“ALY!! …AAAAARRRGH! ALYSSA!!” I heard Ray screaming shortly after, but the screams sounded so distant. My brain refused to cooperate. The only thing that I could process was that he never calls me Aly, he calls me Lou just to get on my nerves, because he knows I hate it. Calling me Aly, let alone Alyssa, means it’s serious.

“RAY!! WHERE ARE YOU??” I yelled, while running around in a helpless effort to see him, but I soon felt I was on the verge of collapsing from fear and tension, so I stopped and put my hands on my knees to catch my breath and to try to identify the direction that his screams were coming from. I looked around and I noticed that a great amount of sand was floating on the air, as if something very large had just been moved or disturbed.

“ALY… AGHHH!!!”  His screams were so intense as if he was being tortured, and yet they were so far away that I couldn’t tell where they were coming from.

I started running again in panic, and I was shaking like crazy. “RAAAAY!!!” My throat hurt from screaming out so loudly. Tears filled up my eyes. What the heck is happening?

To my utter terror the lights suddenly went out. I was searching for my flashlight when I felt a sharp pain, unlike any I had felt before, all over my body. Then, I lost my senses.

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16 Responses to Part 2: Dream turned to nightmare

  1. Doons99P says:

    Talk about ending with suspense! I wanna know what happened!! I love it sfe 😀

  2. SB says:

    This works particularly well since the relationship between Alyssa and Ray isn’t romantic. We already know he bores her and that he can be a pain the butt. He was nervous going into the tomb in the first place too.

    You really capture the stifling atmosphere: the heat and the dust and the sense of being closed in, surrounded. It’s an ominous place. It’s mysterious. Just great drama and writing and wonderful use of the set!

    • Sfe says:

      Thank you SB!! Yes, that’s exactly the feeling I wanted to create about this place. I’m glad I made it! It is not as Alyssa thought, a nice tour of a historical place. It was clearly a mistake for them to get in there all alone.

      Thank you for reading and commenting!

  3. pinkfiend1 says:

    I’m eager to find out what happens next.

  4. ~Drew says:

    Wonderful visuals and written descriptions, You also capture the anguish and suspense very well indeed! Poor Ray! Breathtaking cliffhanger, looking forward to more, sfe!

    • Sfe says:

      Thank you so much Drew! To hear that I capture my characters’ feelings well by a writer whose talent in capturing emotions I admire, is really exciting! 🙂

  5. Illandrya says:

    Ahhh, she’s a primary school teacher, that explains the fearlessness *lol* I like this girl. Ray, though, seriously needs some potion of courage.

    The building of tension towards the end was palpable, you describe the atmosphere very well to the point when the lights went out and I could literally feel Alyssa’s terror. This is a great start and I can’t wait to see what happens next.

    • Sfe says:

      Hehe, true, I imagine it takes a lot of courage to deal with a classroom! Alyssa is fearless indeed, to the point that puts her in danger. Ray on the other hand, although a coward by nature, was probably wise for not wanting to go there in the first place. Alyssa wouldn’t take him seriously though, because she interprets everything he says as childishness.

      Illandrya, thank you so much!! It is really important to me that you took the time to read my story. 🙂

  6. StyxLady says:

    Ah, Alyssa! It’s plastered all over the top of the blog and I completely missed it. >< lol, now I know. I really hope Ray is okay…I like the poor guy. She only turned around for a second–how could he have gotten himself into so much trouble? Of course, she didn't fare much better. Can't wait for the next update!

  7. Sfe says:

    Styxlady, I admit it was a mistake not to include her name anywhere in the dialog. Others found it confusing too. You’re right, just one second and he’s messed it up. Men = trouble, lol! Alyssa got in trouble herself too, but the question is who is responsible? Could Ray have done something to trigger the ‘trouble’? It’s going to take a long time before this question is answered…

    Thank you, I really appreciate you took the time to read and comment! 🙂

  8. RupertCanada says:

    Wow, you really know how to create imagery with the written word SFE… So well written I felt like I was there… and the suspense.. I can’t wait to find out what happened to that doofus Ray.. lol

    • Sfe says:

      Hello Rupie!!!

      Yes, he is kind of doofus, lol! We’re going to have to wait to see what happened to the poor guy though.

      Thank you so much for reading and commenting!!! XX

  9. Jennifer says:

    Wonderful second chapter! 🙂 I was on the edge of my seat, poor Ray! Where is he and what has happened to him! It only takes a second for something to go wrong in these tombs, I hope they are going to be alright.

    • Sfe says:

      Hmmm, it’ll take a while before we find out what happened to them, but I’m hoping that the waiting will be worth it 🙂 Thank you so much for reading and commenting!!!

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